I Slit My Wrists And Hope To Die
by Irate Icy Elf
Summary: Ginny's enslavement is over, but she hasnt finished hurting. She knows this hurt will never leave her. She wakes up to her third-last day of her first year, a year she will never forget... no matter how much she wants to.


**A/N: I'm writing this as a sort of personal release. A lot of Ginny's thoughts and feelings are echoes of things I have felt and hidden in the last five years. No, I wasn't enslaved by ol' voldy, but the last thought process is very much my own. Which leads me to… (Drum roll please)**

**The Disclaimer: I don't own HP, yadda yadda yadda… it is purely for my release and your entertainment blah blah blah... I'm not making any money (sigh)… I only own my feelings (which don't make money anyway).**

**So, here goes:**

I Slit My Wrists And Hope To Die - Chapter 1

"_Ginevra, Ginny" Tom sneered._

"_Tom. I have to go back. Ron will be wondering where I am." Ginny Weasley pleaded._

_Tom's voice was suddenly harsh and sharp, "No, he wont and you know it. He doesn't care for you. All he cares about is his friendship with Harry Potter and the mudblood."_

"_No Tom" Ginny yelled, "He does love me. He is my brother, he loves me."_

"_Ginny" Tom said, leering at her, "Do you really think loving and caring are the same? He loves you because he is you're brother, because he must. But he does not care for you and will not care that you are missing."_

"_No! You're wrong" Ginny sobbed. Though she believed, deep down, that Tom was right, that her brother really didn't care for her._

"_I am NEVER wrong" Tom snapped. He gripped her arm, pulling her up from her position slumped on the floor of the chamber._

"_Stop, please. You're hurting me Tom." Ginny pleaded._

_Tom released his grip and Ginny fell to the stone floor with a thud and sharp cry of pain._

Ginny awoke, sobbing and trying to catch her breath, on the cold stone floor of her dormitory. "Just a dream" she muttered as she picked herself up. It was dawn on a bright summer's day, one week after the memory of Tom Riddle had been vanquished and the Diary destroyed. Her memories, unlike the diary, could not be crushed with the fang of a Basilisk.

There were three days of the Hogwarts school term remaining before Ginny and her brothers could return to The Burrow. Ginny was dreading every moment of the days left at Hogwarts. No one, with the exception of Dumbledore knew that she had been Tom's slave, only that she had been taken into the Chamber by the Heir. And, of course, that she had been rescued by Harry. Once again, the boy-who-lived was a hero but Ginny didn't fall harder for him, she wasn't in love with him. She was, in fact, never in love with the famous Harry Potter. Yes, she was awed; yes, she had blushed upon meeting him; yes, she hardly spoke a word around him; but this was a reaction to his fame, his glamour. And later, after her entrapment into Tom's deceit, she had blushed in shame, knowing that she alone was responsible for his fear and pain that year. She never spoke because he, Tom, would have punished her. She was no longer awed by his fame, but ashamed by her betrayal of everything he stood for. _I am a traitor. I destroyed everything I stood for, everything my family stands for. I don't know who I am or what I believe._

Ginny mentally shook herself out of this reverie. Walking to breakfast was not the time to ponder her treachery; she would trip over something or otherwise embarrass herself in front of a student body which, for the past week when she had been in the Hospital Wing, had been discussing her 'ordeal' in the Chamber that night. _If only they knew of my year-long 'ordeal'. They would not pity me, they would despise me._ _They would brand me as a traitor, a Death Eater. _

Ginny once again stopped her depressing train of thought and checked her appearance in a nearby mirror. _No need to look sad and pitiable. I might as well look happy. At least, if I'm not looking sad, they won't ask me silly questions like 'are you ok' or 'how do you feel'. I don't want those pleasantries and they don't want the truth. They don't want to know how I feel inside. I will show what they need to see even if its all a lie. Maybe, if I try hard enough at this happiness façade, I'll actually become happy. You never know…_

**A/N: So what do you think? It's not very long and I intend to write more chapters if there is demand. I will continue after 3 reviews and/or when I need to release some more feelings. I am, unfortunately, a very busy individual what with this being my final year of high school so updates are likely to be infrequent and occur at odd times (like 3AM after completing really annoying assignments - like then english assignment I was sposed to be writing while i wrote this).**


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